A letter to my Inner Child
I found you sitting in the attic, sitting in the dark, curled up in a ball.
You would not raise your head to look at me. You would not lift your eyes to meet my gaze.
You would not give me your hand when I reached out for you. It was not my hand you wanted.
It has not been my hand you have wanted, not for quite some time. You turned away from me, because at some point I rejected you.
I dismissed you and did not see your worth, I did not see your value, your light, your magnificence.
I dismissed you as the annoying little girl who was always too emotional and overly sensitive.
The little girl who needed to toughen up in order to get by in this oh so harsh world.
I locked you in that room, just like flowers in the attic, there was no light to grow, you were destined for doom.
Windows boarded up, curtains pulled closed. I tried with all my might to put out that light.
I did not see your worth, the strength in your vulnerability, the wisdom in your insights.
I rejected your Divinity, your connection to SOURCE. I did not see the gifts you had to share. The depths of your understanding, the power of innocence and gentleness.
SO, I stepped into my masculine. I removed all perceived sensitivities from my world. ‘Weak is someone I am not’ I called out.
With my back turned to you, I shut that door behind me. Never to glimpse in your direction again. Not for many decades to come.
Every so often, whilst under the influence, you would escape that room of darkness and plead to be seen.
This became a regular occurrence, as I tried to escape your cries and reminders that you were there, locked in that attic with no room or light to grow.
I did not comprehend that in order to experience true joy and bliss, you were the one I needed to love and embrace.
I have since learned the error in my ways. You are wonder and grace, fractals of starlight, Source incarnate.
Look up child, I am here now. I am eternally sorry I stifled your growth. I am so sorry I did not allow your wonder to shine.
Look up child I am here now.
Take my hand child.
I’ve got you.
We need more light to come in.
Let go of his hand child.
I have got you!
Do you trust me?
Have I since shown you, that you are all that I honour and adore.
That I am content to let you lead the way.
With your heart so pure and connection to all.
I offer you my hand, I will never let you go.
Let’s open those windows and allow the light to shine through.
Dust away the cobwebs and bring some colour in.
Open all doors and shades to this attic and home.
This home that I have toiled long and hard to prepare for your return.
I have removed all stains and imprints from those moments long gone.
The imprints left from all you endured.
The walls are freshly painted, the rooms redesigned.
I have filled this home with as much light as I could.
Now it is you, that I turn to for this final run through.
I need you now, I need you to lead the way. Show me where to let more light in. Remind me of how to play, how to source the magic in my day.
It is your wisdom I now draw upon, it is your Essence that is required for the tasks at hand.
It is time to step out into the world.
Out of the darkness and into the Light.
The world is waiting for your gifts to be shared.
Lead the way for us now.
I have got you, safe and secure.
Never to lose sight of you, never more.